People who have suffered life’s hard knocks while growing up tend to be more gullible than those who have been more sheltered. No wonder I’m so gullible, I was raised by wolverines in the Gobi Desert who ate the baby that I conceived with Elvis when I was 13…

Vegans are five times less likely to concieve twins than non-vegans. Of course due to the consumption of hormones in dairy. I am torn between my desire to have twins and my despise of the goddamn chemicals that are being pumped into my system due to my love of cheese.

Snow pack on mountain tops will be drastically diminished by the end of the century, causing major water resource issues for the affected populations. Time to start mining ice on Mars!

Schizophrenia limits understanding of body language. But no one can misinterpret the language of rock! \m/

Nationwide, an estimated 20,000 families have fallen below the poverty line as a result of Wal-Mart’s expansion. Bastards.

Young America’s political views are negatively affected by the Daily Show. Wow, you mean we're not depressed by the fact that this country is run by two political parties that are both so ridiculous that comedians barely even have to try to make them funny?

Robots can be used to interact with, communicate with and control roaches. Now the only things left on this planet after the shit hits the fan are roaches, AND the tiny robots that we use to control them!