The main camera on board the Hubble telescope has shut down. One of the likely theories: the memory was wiped out by a “cosmic event”. “Cosmic event”? We all know what that means. Clearly the hubble has been decommissioned by evil aliens who didn’t want us using Hubble observations to uncover their world domination plot. NASA doesn’t want you to see this photo, which is the last thing recorded by Hubble’s camera:

Oh, we’re onto you Mr. Alien. You and all of your evil, mind-infesting nano-bot friends.

Dell is investigating the explosion of one of its laptops at a trade show in Japan. You simply have to see the hilarious photos of the burst of flames and the stunned conference attendees (no worries - no one was hurt). No such thing as bad publicity, right? Er… yeah.

As reported in the Washington Post today, most popular dietary supplements have fared poorly this year in large clinical trials and reviews. Also this year, a friend of ours ended up in the emergency room after taking a supplement that was an alleged hangover cure.

To quote a doctor in the Washington Post article: “By taking specific supplements we aren’t mimicking what’s going on with a good, healthy diet.” The only theme that seems to emerge from the zillions of nutritional studies that come out every year is what we all knew already: everything in moderation. Even coffee and alcohol and chocolate and cheese. Mmmm, healthy…

China has announced that they will attempt to put a man on the moon by 2024. This follows President Bush’s January announcement that the US will return to the moon by 2020. Given the general decline in US-China relations, could this result in a new space race?

Speaking of US-China relations, most don’t realize that China actually owns much of the US National Debt. Is China in the midst of financially overthrowing our nation? It’s hard to say, but I assure you that, sooner or later, our culture of debt will kick us in the ass.

The FDA has approved Wellbutrin XL as the first drug to treat seasonal depression. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) usually coincides with the reduction in daylight hours during autumn and winter. Wellbutrin XL is manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, which is also seeking approval of the first spring break depression drug cocktail: a combination of tequila, viagra and crystal meth, which has been shown to enhance the spring break experience for otherwise depressed and socially anxious college students.

Contradictory to previous claims, a recent study has shown that fish oil does not appear to protect against abnormal heart rhythms in patients with implantable cardoverter defibrillator (otherwise known as a Dick Cheney). Fortunately, the snake oil that I purchased from a traveling salesman is doing wonders for my menstrual cramps.

A statistical analysis shows that US suicide rates decreased as the rate of prescriptions for Prozac increased. Fluoxetine (Prozac) was introduced in 1988, and prescriptions steadily increased, while suicide rates decreased from 12 to 14 per 100,000 prior to 1988 to around 10 per 100,000 in 2000. Like many drugs, fluoxetine is not completely broken down in our bodies and has found its way into our water supply. Could even more people be on Prozac than we think?

A study has shown that THC leads to greater short term learning impairment in adolescent rats vs. adult rats. However the researchers failed to take into account the fact that that THC increased the coolness of adolescent rats, leading to the little understood “too cool for school” disorder, wherein juvenile rats fail to understand the value of a good education and the importance of being admitted into a top-tier college.

A review of several studies shows that erectile dysfunction drugs have no long-term side-effects and have positive effects on much of the cardiovascular system. A reformulation of viagra has been approved to treat primary pulmonary hypertension, which can lead to heart failure and early death in young women. Viagra may not be just for the erectile-impaired anymore. I envision a new generation of blood pressure medications: “Warning, potential side effects include euphoria and increased libido”. The Catholic church will love this one.

Last week I had the opportunity to see a lecture by Jean-Michel Cousteau (son of Jacques). Like his father, Cousteau has spent a lifetime exploring the oceans and communicating his discoveries to the public. On recent expeditions, his team traveled to all of the marine sanctuaries in the US. Last week there were 13. This week, thanks to Cousteau and the Bush administration, there are 14. Cousteau made a documentary called Voyage to Kure, which documents his voyage to the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands. These uninhabited islands are so remote that most visitors don’t even know that they’re there. What they found on this island was absolutely shocking. There were heaps of trash covering the beach. This trash has floated in from all over the world: toys from the US, fishing equipment from Asia, trash from Europe. It was so pervasive that the seabirds were choking on it.

You see, most beaches are cleaned when trash starts accumulating so that we never have to think about all of the trash that is floating around in the oceans. But this untouched beach contained mountains of refuse that had accumulated over the years.

They also found a beautiful wild ocean ecosystem that needed protection.

Fortunately, the Couseau's have influential friends, and the film caught the attention of President and First Lady Bush. The Bush’s were so touched that they even held a private screening of the film for their friends. The result was that President Bush established the Northwest Hawaiian Islands as a National Monument yesterday.

With so much crap going on in our nation, it’s nice to hear a success story like this. Let’s hope that this administration and future administrations maintain a legacy of stewardship in our national sanctuaries, parks and monuments.

I always knew I was onto something with the coffee to beer to coffee to beer to coffee (and so on) lifestyle! It turns out that drinking a lot of coffee can help prevent damage to your liver caused by drinking a lot of alcohol! Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

Coffee-Beer anyone?

That’s cuz I’m the bomb, baby!

No, really, it seems that up to 7.3% of adults could explode into random episodes of unwarranted anger. They have a disorder called Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). Recommend carrying one of the above.