The FDA has approved Wellbutrin XL as the first drug to treat seasonal depression. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) usually coincides with the reduction in daylight hours during autumn and winter. Wellbutrin XL is manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, which is also seeking approval of the first spring break depression drug cocktail: a combination of tequila, viagra and crystal meth, which has been shown to enhance the spring break experience for otherwise depressed and socially anxious college students.

Contradictory to previous claims, a recent study has shown that fish oil does not appear to protect against abnormal heart rhythms in patients with implantable cardoverter defibrillator (otherwise known as a Dick Cheney). Fortunately, the snake oil that I purchased from a traveling salesman is doing wonders for my menstrual cramps.

A statistical analysis shows that US suicide rates decreased as the rate of prescriptions for Prozac increased. Fluoxetine (Prozac) was introduced in 1988, and prescriptions steadily increased, while suicide rates decreased from 12 to 14 per 100,000 prior to 1988 to around 10 per 100,000 in 2000. Like many drugs, fluoxetine is not completely broken down in our bodies and has found its way into our water supply. Could even more people be on Prozac than we think?

A study has shown that THC leads to greater short term learning impairment in adolescent rats vs. adult rats. However the researchers failed to take into account the fact that that THC increased the coolness of adolescent rats, leading to the little understood “too cool for school” disorder, wherein juvenile rats fail to understand the value of a good education and the importance of being admitted into a top-tier college.

A review of several studies shows that erectile dysfunction drugs have no long-term side-effects and have positive effects on much of the cardiovascular system. A reformulation of viagra has been approved to treat primary pulmonary hypertension, which can lead to heart failure and early death in young women. Viagra may not be just for the erectile-impaired anymore. I envision a new generation of blood pressure medications: “Warning, potential side effects include euphoria and increased libido”. The Catholic church will love this one.