Nine out of ten emails sent are now spam, according to a report released this week. How does this happen? Apparently, 80 percent of spam comes from around 200 illegal gangs. In this high-tech gang banging, spammers use trojan-horse type programs to hijack thousands of home computers at a time, stealing their computing power and bandwidth to use as makeshift spam supercomputers. Now that’s some spamming talent. You’d think AOL and Microsoft would just put an end to the whole thing by recruiting straight from the spam gangs with the lure of six figures and a dental plan.

More not-so-super spam news: Cell phone spam is on the rise in China, with some cell phone users receiving over 40 spam text messages per week. How do you know it’s spam and not just a text-messaged booty call from one of your many admirers? One big tip-off will be the misspelling of V14GRA…

Are you in need of something fun to do with your spam? Try recycling it at spamrecycling.com, where your spam will be converted into a lovely fractal image. Simply forward your spam to spam@spamrecycling.com and follow the easy instructions they send you. All this is free in exchange for their selling your email address to the spam mafia. (Just kidding about that last part.)

It turns out there’s a reason for that instant repulsion you get when you open a tub of moldy leftovers from the back of your fridge. New research suggests that it’s a message from the microbes that says, “this food’s taken”. This interpretation redefines the role of microorganisms in food chains. Rather than waiting around for leftovers from top predators, microorganisms claim foods by making them unpalatable to higher organisms - and they do it by producing stinky odors and nasty flavors. This is pretty effective unless you’re a fan of smelly cheeses, which are generally stinky as a result of microbial fermentation during the aging process. So, if you’re repulsed by Limburger like me, you can leave it to the microbes and be satisfied by reminding yourself that those nasty odors are produced to prevent you from eating it… Just keep it to yourself at cocktail parties - you never know which of your friends are into the strong stuff.

In a space walk from the International Space Station (ISS) next Wednesday, cosmonaut Mikhail Tyurin will whack several golf balls off into space. It’s all part of a publicity stunt - not for NASA, the Russian space agency (Roskosmos), or even a space tourism company. This particular stunt will be done to promote a new line of golf clubs made by Element 21. Yes, golf clubs. I wonder how much this costs. Could anyone with enough cash pay an astronaut to perform in space? Could you, for example, could get an astronaut onboard the ISS to wear leather and lipsync to Bohemian Rhapsody while eating M&Ms out of mid-air? Clearly this is an issue of taste. Golf clubs seem far more refined than Queen. But it begs the question: How much is really for sale? In a world where even Paris Hilton can have dreams of buying her way into space, we should be careful where we draw the line between financing exploration and cheapening the scientific return. For now we should be safe if we stick to the old Anchorman standby and keep it classy… Or just go ahead and sell out human spaceflight to the elite to use the money for real science.

P.S. Please excuse the lack of posting over the last two weeks. I’ve been totally stressed with work stuff while also attempting a massive birthday celebration. You’ll be happy to know that I have cleansed myself of all stressors and the like by a new nano-therapy where nanobots are injected directly into your cerebrospinal fluid, after which they gradually work their way into your brainstem, where they use tiny lasers to beam positive energy into all of your chakras. So now I’m, like, totally mellow and ready to hit you up with more blog posts sometime soon.

A few weeks ago I reported that Yahoo will be laser-beaming a digital time capsule into space (Read: Shameless publicity stunt). Anyone who wants to contribute digital media (such as myself) can do so here. I thought I’d follow up by reporting on an opportunity for those who are feeling slightly less creative, but wish to contribute to something that will actually be launched into space, thus making the whole laser idea appear incredibly lame. NASA’s Dawn spacecraft will explore the asteroid belt carrying a microchip with the names of anyone who chooses to submit one. And you can print out a certificate to prove that your name will be launched into space. To get into space with as little effort as possible, go here for one-click space-keteering.

Warning: This offer expires on November 4, 2006.

A new study reports that a compound found in red wine may protect against the effects of aging in mammals. In the study, overfed mice that were given the compound resveratrol did not experience many of the ill effects of obesity, including early death. The compound was found to activate a group of genes involved in reducing the effects of aging. To get the equivalent of the levels of resveratrol that the mice received in this study, one would need to consume about 100 glasses of red wine per day. That’s only 20 bottles. Are you up for the longevity challenge?

For a slightly safer (but less fun) approach, the compound is also available as a supplement. The researchers warn that consuming resveratrol at the levels used in this study has not been shown to be safe for humans, but a few of them also admitted that they are tempted to start taking the supplement themselves. I personally find the whole idea difficult to argue with. If wining and dining are the key to longevity, how much better could life get? Just throw in a bikini and some skinny pills, and I’m there till 2100. (Disclaimer: I am clearly not a health professional.)