In a previous post, I expounded upon the use, toxicity and history of Botox (botulinum toxin), miracle drug and insanely potent food-borne toxin. To summarize, Botox is a diluted form of botulinum toxin, which is produced by a soil bacterium that sometimes turns up in foods, and can cause paralysis and death. Although the drug was made famous by its cosmetic use, it turns out to be an effective treatment for many things from spasmodic dysphonia to anal fissures to (potentially) depression. Given my apparent interest in the subject, I thought I’d add a new use for Botox to the list: it has now been found to be a promising therapy for writer’s cramp, the painful hand cramping resulting from too much writing or other repetitive activities using the hands. I for one routinely suffered from writer’s cramp in college. As an avid note-taker, I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with throbbing hand pain. So, if there are any college students left that still write by hand, Botox could be an excellent therapy.

As for me, I’ve now switched to typing pretty much everything, so I’d benefit much more from a cure for writer’s block than for writer’s cramp. My most recent plan to finish my novel involved recruiting an army of monkeys with typewriters. Unfortunately, that plan turned out to be wrought with challenges, the foremost of which was the alarming predisposition of typing monkeys to develop typewriter-related hand cramps, and my utter lack of funds for monkey-hand cramp Botox therapy. The whole thing turned out to be a nightmare once the animal rights activists got word of my plan from the miniature typewriter manufacturer. Needless to say, I’m back to the drawing board.