Though paper-thin, a new nano-material is blacker than black. It is, in fact, 30 times darker than government-issue black, absorbing over 99.9% of all light that comes its way. Apparently the effect can be dizzying to the onlooker; probably because, although the scientists have yet to admit it, it also absorbs neural energy, transferring it to other dimensions where previously unidentified lifeforms eat your positive thoughts.

The new black is darker and more soul-sucking than previously existing shades by several standard deviations. (This image adapted from The Washington Post.)